Oops, I did it again.

I had ice cream last night. However, it was far less than I usually have (maybe a 1/2 cup) and I hadn't had any the rest of the week aaaand I've lost four pounds. I've also done really well at not spending extra, getting all of the boys' school supplies on sale or with coupons. In fact, the boys have done really well at not complaining about not getting any toys.
I will have to get them a few new clothes for school because I think my 11 year old has grown 2 inches over this summer and I know my eight year old's jeans are getting a little high water. However, a friend of mine brought my attention to TheChildrensPlace.com where you can get kids clothes at a deep discount. I'm thinking that's the place for my children to get their new clothes. Zulily has kid's clothes, too, but they're usually not as inexpensive, even if they are at a really good discount. I'm going to check them out later today, just to see the kinds of discounts they have for kid's stuff. I'm usually shopping Zulily for myself, to be honest. They have such a variety of styles and I'm always bound to find something I like. However, I'm not getting anything for myself this time. Not saying I won't be "window shopping" though.
I've updated my massage therapy website, CatalystBodyworkbyTracie.com. I've learned some new Shiatsu techniques including some really wonderful abdominal massage that is so helpful with digestion and general health and well-being that I can't recommend it enough. I actually think that it has helped in my weight loss, too. Okay, maybe that's foregoing the daily ice cream habit, but I feel awesome. I've also aced my practical exams and that right there is reason enough to get some bodywork done by yours truly. I have a few testimonials on my site, too. You should go check that out.
I can't believe my first term of massage school is almost done. We're talking about finals already. The time has really flown, which is great, because that means the rest of school will go quickly and I'll be able to get to work helping people feel better. My practice buddies are really enjoying and benefitting from their bodywork. It's very gratifying to know that I'm helping people feel better.
On the artwork front, I've been picking up the crochet hook again, getting ready for fall. I was actually inspired by my anatomy class, in which we use yarn to "build" muscles on skeletons. Having my hands on all that yarn made me itch to crochet, and I have a lot of yarn at home already, so I didn't have to buy anything to get started. My other project is some magazine collage art, but I'm going to need to get some art boards for that eventually, so right now I'm just cutting out the shapes and taking pictures of the way I want to lay them out when I do get those boards. I'll have to do some decoupage practice, too, because I haven't done it in a while.
Oh, I also made the fleece camp blankets for my boys. That was yesterday's project. I haven't made mine yet, but the boys have theirs and they helped me tie the knots. My knee wasn't thrilled, which is why I haven't made mine yet, but I'll get around to it. It'll be nice to make something for myself that I know I'll actually be keeping. So much of the stuff I've made lately has been under the assumption that I'll somehow manage to sell it. I'm so reluctant to sell my stuff, but I'm sure there will be someone who'll find it and say, "That's so me!" A kindred spirit. I've been on Pinterest, I know there are people like me out there.
Besides, I need to raise some money to get a Shiatsu table. I've been using a table in class and I can't believe the difference it makes. Unfortunately, a portable Shiatsu table (which is wider and sits lower than a standard western massage table) is almost $800. I've been saving the tips I make from my practice buddies, and I'd love to be able to pay for it all myself, rather than use family money to get it. I think this fall I'll have a special sale of my art and accessories to help me raise money for the table. It'll also help clear out my studio.
Well, I have a lot to think about and I've already given myself a bit of a headache with the overwhelming notion of it all. Carpe diem, flowerpots! Carpe diem!

Dressing in colors of the sun: Day three ramblings...

I think it may be working. Day one was lousy. I wore every bright color in my closet and still spent most of the rainy day contemplating how to get out of doing things that need to be done and sleeping. Horrible. The weather doesn't help ye olde fibromyalgia one whit either, so it was a day of aches, pains and feeling like I must weigh over 500 pounds. It's the strangest phenomenon. I feel like there's a very heavy blanket pinned down over me and movement is difficult.
Day two was better. I managed to get out of the house and get some fruits and veggies. A colleague of my husband's was over during the weekend and explained how he lost around 50 pounds with juicing. Now my husband is back on his juicing kick. This meant a mid-week grocery run for more fruits and veggies because by Sunday evening, we were out of everything. Sigh. But at least the coral sweater and blue scarf with little coral flowers on it seemed to help. I even put on some earrings. I know! Tres chic!
The worst part of yesterday was that, not only did it rain all day, there were moments of snow. That dirty, four-letter word. Tomorrow is May first. Get your poop in a group, Mother Nature.
Forcing myself out into the sleet also seemed to help my mood a bit. I made a stop at Goodwill, since it's smack dab in between my new grocery store and my house (I checked the GPS, "smack dab" is very accurate).
I have a new rule when thrifting for myself. I won't spend over $20 and I will only buy things in the colors of the sun. At least for the Summer. That may change in the fall when I'm looking at sweaters, but for now, I'm going for bright. I'm going for bold. I'm also going for skirts. I wear pants every single day. Usually jeans, but sometimes I actually change back into my pajama pants after a while. Don't worry, the pair I'm wearing today are neon orange. Oh, yes, the are a color of the sun!
Anyway, with Summer creeping ever slower upon the horizon, I'm thinking about how I'm going to be too hot unless I wear the dreaded shorts. I hate shorts. I don't really care for short skirts, either. I've always had a love/hate relationship with my legs anyway, but I really hate the idea of exposing them in the Summer. I'm kinda weird, I guess. But I'm going to be in school over the Summer months, at least three days a week. I'll want to be comfortable. I'm also hoping to go for walks on my Tuesday/Thursday lunch breaks.
I used to belly dance and I still have a great love for the style of clothes I wore when dancing, so that's what I'm currently hunting for when I thrift. I found an orange, floor-length tiered skirt yesterday. It's exactly what I'm hunting for - I could totally belly dance in it. I found two other skirts and an Indonesian carved book rack for my cookbooks and spent $17. Boom. That made me feel even better than the earrings!
So now we're on Day Three. Three days in a row of rain, cold, mist, and wind. I spent my wad yesterday, have no real errands out of the home today and I really think that's what made me feel the best yesterday - getting out of the house. It's such a First World Problem, having nowt to do. Not that I have nothing to do, just nothing that takes me out of the house and into the world of the living. People who have very stressful, busy, full lives don't understand why someone who doesn't have to do anything should feel depressed. Well, I'll tell you. Everyone needs a purpose. When you don't feel like you have one, you lose yourself. You lose yourself, and that brings on a host of depression related illnesses.
Tomorrow night I have the orientation meeting at the massage school. I'm really looking forward to that. It's actually one of the reasons I'm having a hard time picking out what to do around the house. I'm so excited about going back to school that everything else seems so much more boring than usual. I've finally found something that feels like a true "calling", if you will. I've found a purpose. I'm going to be helping people feel better, healthier and more relaxed. What could be better than that? When you feel like you have a purpose, even if it may seem unimportant or even frivolous to some, everything else seems to work itself out. The pieces fall into place and if one's not quite in the right place, you're more capable of getting it into its place.
When I was in college I had a wonderful professor, Dr. Robert S. Joyce. About 14 years ago, he passed away. After his memorial, a bunch of us were sharing our stories about him and one woman was explaining how she had called Doc recently, explaining that she really wanted to go back to her old job because she had really loved the company and the job itself even though the money wasn't as great and she had just bought a house.... all sorts of excuses for not going back to what she loved doing, even though her new job left her empty and miserable. Bob said to her, "If you don't love it, don't do it." She took that advice and went back to her old job (which was a fortunate situation that happened to work out) and never looked back. There may have been financial issues with her mortgage and all, but she was able to handle them better because she was in a place where she could think and be productive, not only in her job, but in the rest of her life because she wasn't always worried about how much she disliked what she was doing.
During all of those years since I heard this story, I've been searching for the job I will love. I do believe I've finally found it, and going to massage therapy school will get me there. At long last, I'm on my way, are you? Have you even thought about what your way is? Where are you going? Are you in the right place...really? What would have to change in order for you to love what you do? Sometimes we spend so much energy trying to be what we think we're supposed to be that we miss the thing we're actually supposed to be. I spent a great majority of my life doing just that. If you are exactly where you're meant to be then, woohooo! You have what everyone deserves in life. If you feel a bit off, try to figure out why that is. Change is scary, but when you are following your path to your truth, you know it, and it'll be the best thing you ever did.

There they go...

In my last "Thrifty Thrusday" post I mentioned that I'd be getting rid of a few things soon. Done and done!
Over the past two weeks I've managed to take about a dozen grocery bags of clothes and some other miscellaneous stuff to the thrift store. However, there were a few things I just couldn't bear to part with in such an impersonal way. Clothes that mean something to me, but I no longer wear for various reasons. I had a lot of vintage things and really nice evening gowns I probably won't be wearing any time in the near future. I had more coats than any one person should have including some lovely vintage pieces. I had some men's suit jackets and a tuxedo that belonged to my step-dad, who passed away in 2008. They don't fit my husband, and he doesn't need to wear a suit very often, anyway.
I thought about some of the theatres I've worked with over the past several years and decided that Morris Park Players in Minneapolis needed some stock for their costume closet. The other night, Sue, one of the board members and frequent costume coordinator came by and picked up 14 bags of really amazing stuff. I'm hoping to go see a show and find my clothes being used in a new life, perhaps I'll even get to wear some of it again when I go back to performing after I get my massage certification.
I also finished the quilted wall hanging for my friend's son's band fundraiser. Her sister came to pick it up the same night the theatre clothes left. I suddenly have a great deal of room - in my living room, in my closets, in my brain, and in my life.
I'm not going to say that I don't also feel a bit empty. I put a lot of work into some of the things I gave up. I figured that between the actual value of some of the clothes - some I never even wore, some I altered in some way, some I made myself - and the time involved in basically curating, caring for and building them, that's a donation of somewhere between $2000 - 3000. I'm going to write up some sort of paper which states that and then the theatre can sign off on it and I estimated the value of the quilt to be around $250. I'll use it for my taxes next year.
Of course, that's not the real reason I did all the culling. You get to a certain point in your life when you just want to pare down and simplify. I'm there. I'm not ready to give up my fabric stash yet, I still want to make stuff, but I'm making room for it. I'm also having a hard time parting with my books. But, the more room and less clutter there is in my life, the more I can do. Maybe I can actually read those books. What a concept.
Now, to finish Rachel's quilt. I've assured her that I am working on it, true enough, but my decision to hand stitch the binding down on the back side was a bit much for my fibro to handle. I have to take a lot of breaks. As for my ADHD, I sometimes just have to set the quilt aside and not think about it for a while. Luckily, my friend is more than understanding and is patiently awaiting her hand-made treasure.
Sometimes you're not ready for a cull. I get that. I wasn't ready to cull for years. When I decided it was time, holy crud-monkeys was I ready! Now to see if I can lose that 20 pounds I gained over the past year.

The beat goes on...

Did you ever find a new path and have it feel so right that you start tap dancing in the kitchen?

I've been struggling with my career path for over 20 years. In my 20s, I was so convinced that I would be a Broadway star that I quit school, left my husband, sold my car and moved to New York City. I will never regret the move, but it (obviously) didn't have the outcome I expected.

I've never finished school, which has been a bugaboo for me for years. I've been to graduation ceremonies for my sister's kids and I always felt bummed out afterwards. I already struggle with my feelings of being a failure and that exacerbates it. Not that I'm not proud of my nieces and nephew. I couldn't be prouder. They're all very successful in their respective fields and are wonderful people to boot.

I thought about going back to finish my Bachelor's, but that would require retaking a bunch of classes in order to have enough local credits to graduate. I thought about changing up my degree and going after Fashion Design. I loved (and aced) the one class I took, but the time and coin required to do a full degree on a part-time basis was daunting. Also, there was no real guarantee that I'd end up as a designer. The competition is fierce and I'm twice as old as most of my classmates were.

My husband is set to retire within a few short years. Our household is going to go through a shift soon and it's going to require my picking up the financial slack. It has become increasingly clear that my dramatic and artistic pursuits aren't going to be reliable sources of income. On one hand this breaks my heart, because I enjoy entertaining and creating. I do realize that my style may not have a mainstream audience. I've made peace with that. I've also made peace with the fact that, no matter how talented I am, I may not be what the director is looking for. I'm kind of a niche girl. With a very narrow niche.

What's a girl to do? I don't want to work as a check out girl, even at Target or a craft store because I'll spend more than I make. I had that problem when I worked at Hancock's. That's part of the reason why I have such a large fabric stash. No lie. Employee discounts are a dangerous thing around me.

Well, Let me tell ya a li'l story: When I had my nervous breakdown, part of what brought it on was that I was trying to work in a creative job as costume builder. I was going to use the money I earned to start my design business, Tequila Diamonds. When that fell waaay through, blammo! I had a nervous breakdown. What I needed was a trade.

Now, the notion of massage therapy has been ruminating since high school when we gave each other backrubs in acting class. I was just more focused on the acting. The idea has come and gone over the years. Apparently I’m pretty good at giving massages as many friends have suggested that I do it for a living. It recently came to the fore when my mom gave me a salon gift certificate for the express purpose of getting a massage and the salon didn’t have a therapist on the payroll when I called for the appointment. I thought, “I could do that. I should do that.”

I found a local massage therapy school that not only trains you to work at a spa or salon, but also more clinical aspects of transformative healing. They not only teach Eastern forms, but Western as well, which is more of what I'm interested in, but I can get a broader selection of tools to use and be more prepared for the job market as a result. The best part? They only teach massage therapies. I won't have to take anything not related to being the best therapist I can be. Their application process is rigorous. They aren't just looking for the most students (and their money) like some schools I could mention but won't, they're looking for the right students. I have a couple more steps to get in the door, but so far, things are looking up.

I'm not going to do any acting during this 20 month period of studying, except maybe some short, special appearance gigs. I'm still going to work on my art projects in my free time. There are times when I simply must create. I'm going to continue blogging and field tripping.

But I have to say, as I was researching schools for this path, the site for CenterPoint stood out to me. Everything was up front and honest. When I called, I received a return call within minutes and the follow up was incredibly professional and thorough. I also discovered that there was quite a spectrum of opportunities beyond the salon. In addition, I think I'll receive a host of therapeutic benefits from doing something that really interests me and helps others.

Did I finally find that elusive career? I feel I have. I've been tap dancing in the kitchen for the last few days.

So, Flowerpots, did you find your path yet? Did you settle for your career or did you settle into it? I'll just leave that here for you to ruminate upon...