I think it may be working. Day one was lousy. I wore every bright color in my closet and still spent most of the rainy day contemplating how to get out of doing things that need to be done and sleeping. Horrible. The weather doesn't help ye olde fibromyalgia one whit either, so it was a day of aches, pains and feeling like I must weigh over 500 pounds. It's the strangest phenomenon. I feel like there's a very heavy blanket pinned down over me and movement is difficult.
Day two was better. I managed to get out of the house and get some fruits and veggies. A colleague of my husband's was over during the weekend and explained how he lost around 50 pounds with juicing. Now my husband is back on his juicing kick. This meant a mid-week grocery run for more fruits and veggies because by Sunday evening, we were out of everything. Sigh. But at least the coral sweater and blue scarf with little coral flowers on it seemed to help. I even put on some earrings. I know! Tres chic!
The worst part of yesterday was that, not only did it rain all day, there were moments of snow. That dirty, four-letter word. Tomorrow is May first. Get your poop in a group, Mother Nature.
Forcing myself out into the sleet also seemed to help my mood a bit. I made a stop at Goodwill, since it's smack dab in between my new grocery store and my house (I checked the GPS, "smack dab" is very accurate).
I have a new rule when thrifting for myself. I won't spend over $20 and I will only buy things in the colors of the sun. At least for the Summer. That may change in the fall when I'm looking at sweaters, but for now, I'm going for bright. I'm going for bold. I'm also going for skirts. I wear pants every single day. Usually jeans, but sometimes I actually change back into my pajama pants after a while. Don't worry, the pair I'm wearing today are neon orange. Oh, yes, the are a color of the sun!
Anyway, with Summer creeping ever slower upon the horizon, I'm thinking about how I'm going to be too hot unless I wear the dreaded shorts. I hate shorts. I don't really care for short skirts, either. I've always had a love/hate relationship with my legs anyway, but I really hate the idea of exposing them in the Summer. I'm kinda weird, I guess. But I'm going to be in school over the Summer months, at least three days a week. I'll want to be comfortable. I'm also hoping to go for walks on my Tuesday/Thursday lunch breaks.
I used to belly dance and I still have a great love for the style of clothes I wore when dancing, so that's what I'm currently hunting for when I thrift. I found an orange, floor-length tiered skirt yesterday. It's exactly what I'm hunting for - I could totally belly dance in it. I found two other skirts and an Indonesian carved book rack for my cookbooks and spent $17. Boom. That made me feel even better than the earrings!
So now we're on Day Three. Three days in a row of rain, cold, mist, and wind. I spent my wad yesterday, have no real errands out of the home today and I really think that's what made me feel the best yesterday - getting out of the house. It's such a First World Problem, having nowt to do. Not that I have nothing to do, just nothing that takes me out of the house and into the world of the living. People who have very stressful, busy, full lives don't understand why someone who doesn't have to do anything should feel depressed. Well, I'll tell you. Everyone needs a purpose. When you don't feel like you have one, you lose yourself. You lose yourself, and that brings on a host of depression related illnesses.
Tomorrow night I have the orientation meeting at the massage school. I'm really looking forward to that. It's actually one of the reasons I'm having a hard time picking out what to do around the house. I'm so excited about going back to school that everything else seems so much more boring than usual. I've finally found something that feels like a true "calling", if you will. I've found a purpose. I'm going to be helping people feel better, healthier and more relaxed. What could be better than that? When you feel like you have a purpose, even if it may seem unimportant or even frivolous to some, everything else seems to work itself out. The pieces fall into place and if one's not quite in the right place, you're more capable of getting it into its place.
When I was in college I had a wonderful professor, Dr. Robert S. Joyce. About 14 years ago, he passed away. After his memorial, a bunch of us were sharing our stories about him and one woman was explaining how she had called Doc recently, explaining that she really wanted to go back to her old job because she had really loved the company and the job itself even though the money wasn't as great and she had just bought a house.... all sorts of excuses for not going back to what she loved doing, even though her new job left her empty and miserable. Bob said to her, "If you don't love it, don't do it." She took that advice and went back to her old job (which was a fortunate situation that happened to work out) and never looked back. There may have been financial issues with her mortgage and all, but she was able to handle them better because she was in a place where she could think and be productive, not only in her job, but in the rest of her life because she wasn't always worried about how much she disliked what she was doing.
During all of those years since I heard this story, I've been searching for the job I will love. I do believe I've finally found it, and going to massage therapy school will get me there. At long last, I'm on my way, are you? Have you even thought about what your way is? Where are you going? Are you in the right place...really? What would have to change in order for you to love what you do? Sometimes we spend so much energy trying to be what we think we're supposed to be that we miss the thing we're actually supposed to be. I spent a great majority of my life doing just that. If you are exactly where you're meant to be then, woohooo! You have what everyone deserves in life. If you feel a bit off, try to figure out why that is. Change is scary, but when you are following your path to your truth, you know it, and it'll be the best thing you ever did.
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