I think it may be working. Day one was lousy. I wore every bright color in my closet and still spent most of the rainy day contemplating how to get out of doing things that need to be done and sleeping. Horrible. The weather doesn't help ye olde fibromyalgia one whit either, so it was a day of aches, pains and feeling like I must weigh over 500 pounds. It's the strangest phenomenon. I feel like there's a very heavy blanket pinned down over me and movement is difficult.
Day two was better. I managed to get out of the house and get some fruits and veggies. A colleague of my husband's was over during the weekend and explained how he lost around 50 pounds with juicing. Now my husband is back on his juicing kick. This meant a mid-week grocery run for more fruits and veggies because by Sunday evening, we were out of everything. Sigh. But at least the coral sweater and blue scarf with little coral flowers on it seemed to help. I even put on some earrings. I know! Tres chic!
The worst part of yesterday was that, not only did it rain all day, there were moments of snow. That dirty, four-letter word. Tomorrow is May first. Get your poop in a group, Mother Nature.
Forcing myself out into the sleet also seemed to help my mood a bit. I made a stop at Goodwill, since it's smack dab in between my new grocery store and my house (I checked the GPS, "smack dab" is very accurate).
I have a new rule when thrifting for myself. I won't spend over $20 and I will only buy things in the colors of the sun. At least for the Summer. That may change in the fall when I'm looking at sweaters, but for now, I'm going for bright. I'm going for bold. I'm also going for skirts. I wear pants every single day. Usually jeans, but sometimes I actually change back into my pajama pants after a while. Don't worry, the pair I'm wearing today are neon orange. Oh, yes, the are a color of the sun!
Anyway, with Summer creeping ever slower upon the horizon, I'm thinking about how I'm going to be too hot unless I wear the dreaded shorts. I hate shorts. I don't really care for short skirts, either. I've always had a love/hate relationship with my legs anyway, but I really hate the idea of exposing them in the Summer. I'm kinda weird, I guess. But I'm going to be in school over the Summer months, at least three days a week. I'll want to be comfortable. I'm also hoping to go for walks on my Tuesday/Thursday lunch breaks.
I used to belly dance and I still have a great love for the style of clothes I wore when dancing, so that's what I'm currently hunting for when I thrift. I found an orange, floor-length tiered skirt yesterday. It's exactly what I'm hunting for - I could totally belly dance in it. I found two other skirts and an Indonesian carved book rack for my cookbooks and spent $17. Boom. That made me feel even better than the earrings!
So now we're on Day Three. Three days in a row of rain, cold, mist, and wind. I spent my wad yesterday, have no real errands out of the home today and I really think that's what made me feel the best yesterday - getting out of the house. It's such a First World Problem, having nowt to do. Not that I have nothing to do, just nothing that takes me out of the house and into the world of the living. People who have very stressful, busy, full lives don't understand why someone who doesn't have to do anything should feel depressed. Well, I'll tell you. Everyone needs a purpose. When you don't feel like you have one, you lose yourself. You lose yourself, and that brings on a host of depression related illnesses.
Tomorrow night I have the orientation meeting at the massage school. I'm really looking forward to that. It's actually one of the reasons I'm having a hard time picking out what to do around the house. I'm so excited about going back to school that everything else seems so much more boring than usual. I've finally found something that feels like a true "calling", if you will. I've found a purpose. I'm going to be helping people feel better, healthier and more relaxed. What could be better than that? When you feel like you have a purpose, even if it may seem unimportant or even frivolous to some, everything else seems to work itself out. The pieces fall into place and if one's not quite in the right place, you're more capable of getting it into its place.
When I was in college I had a wonderful professor, Dr. Robert S. Joyce. About 14 years ago, he passed away. After his memorial, a bunch of us were sharing our stories about him and one woman was explaining how she had called Doc recently, explaining that she really wanted to go back to her old job because she had really loved the company and the job itself even though the money wasn't as great and she had just bought a house.... all sorts of excuses for not going back to what she loved doing, even though her new job left her empty and miserable. Bob said to her, "If you don't love it, don't do it." She took that advice and went back to her old job (which was a fortunate situation that happened to work out) and never looked back. There may have been financial issues with her mortgage and all, but she was able to handle them better because she was in a place where she could think and be productive, not only in her job, but in the rest of her life because she wasn't always worried about how much she disliked what she was doing.
During all of those years since I heard this story, I've been searching for the job I will love. I do believe I've finally found it, and going to massage therapy school will get me there. At long last, I'm on my way, are you? Have you even thought about what your way is? Where are you going? Are you in the right place...really? What would have to change in order for you to love what you do? Sometimes we spend so much energy trying to be what we think we're supposed to be that we miss the thing we're actually supposed to be. I spent a great majority of my life doing just that. If you are exactly where you're meant to be then, woohooo! You have what everyone deserves in life. If you feel a bit off, try to figure out why that is. Change is scary, but when you are following your path to your truth, you know it, and it'll be the best thing you ever did.
Showing posts with label pajamas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pajamas. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
Snowy day ramblings...
I'm writing this on President's Day and we're getting more snow. Occasionally, the wind will blow enough to send a flurry off of the roof and obscure my view of the neighborhood. I'm rather glad to not have to be out in this stuff.
The cabin fever, however, is starting to get to me. I know I have plenty of projects to work on, but I'm missing getting out in the world. Fortunately, I've been working on a show ("I Love you, You're Perfect, Now Change!") which opened last weekend, but it's a very limited run and I only have two more performances left. I also have to wait 5 more days for those final performances.
Performing is actually my first love. When I wasn't well over the last year, I stopped performing because a) I didn't know when I'd have a spasm and b) what if I couldn't perform anymore? Besides that, I had already planned on trying my hand at a design career. When that looked as though it was really not going to happen, I became ill. Enter the dreaded mis-diagnosed nervous breakdown.
Everybody's got their something, goes the song (Nikka Costa, in case you're unfamiliar), and into my 40s I still feel like I don't know what that something is. If it's what I think it is, why in the world does it have to be something that is so difficult to break into and actually get paid for doing? I love performing and creating, but I fear selling out.
I have a friend who does art on commission. The person says, "I want something that looks like this." She makes it. Now that something can be anything from custom wedding invitations to a portrait of a baby, a Mad Hatter's Hat or a company logo. I think to myself, "I could never do that. I don't want to be beholden to someone else's ideas." But I fear my own ideas are unworthy.
This of course is just one of many ways that I hold myself back from doing what I love. Yet I still think, as I'm working on my own ideas, that no one will like what I have to offer, even though there's plenty of evidence to the contrary. This isn't just my artwork, this applies to my stage work as well. For example, I've auditioned multiple times for a certain professional company and have yet to be hired. In the back of my mind, way deep in the recesses, there's a teensy weensy voice that tries to remind me that most times it's all what the director has in mind before auditions even happen. That voice is always drowned out by the one that says, "You suck. Why do you bother?"
The thing is, I don't suck. So, why don't these people who are casting realize this? I go into auditions prepared, looking good, and... terrified. They must sense this fear. Like horses, they can smell it. I've tried for years to fix this and cover it up. It hasn't always worked, that's for sure. In fact, there was a time when I lived in New York when I developed agoraphobia and couldn't leave to house on my own. I'd get just so far down the street and I'd have to turn back. Eventually I quit going anywhere alone and would manage to convince my friends that hanging out at my place was a great idea (they seemed to buy into this, too, so I must've been doing something right).
To this day, I won't leave the house unless it's either necessary or I feel the odds are with me. Sadly, if it turns out the odds were agin me, I stay home again for long periods of time. This winter has not helped the situation. The cold weather wreaks havoc on my fibromyalgia and since Minnesota has been below zero for the majority of winter this year, it has been quite easy to give in to those old voices in my head.
I actually made a New Year's Resolution to get dressed every day. For most of last year while I was dealing with my illness, I lived in my pajamas. Heck, I'm writing this in my pjs right now (it's before noon, so I'm safe).
Nope. I just guilted myself into getting dressed.
Anyway, it must be true that you are what you wear, at least to a certain extent. I mean, I practically dressed like a character I was auditioning for and still didn't get it, and I did really well at the audition, but directors have a vision for a show. Sometimes you fit that vision, other times, you don't. It's the hardest lesson for an actor to learn.
However, when I take the time to change from pj pants to jeans, put on some socks, run a comb through my hair and wash my face, I feel a bit freer, a bit more ready to face the world if I must. Even if I'm not dressed to the hilt, at least I'm not in my pjs. I always thought it would be great to spend my days not needing to get dressed, lounging in my jammies. It's not that great. Oh, maybe once in a while, when you're feeling sick enough to stay in bed, sure. By all means, stay in your jammies. But I have to say, even though most times it's just jeans and a t-shirt, getting dressed every day has been a major mood lifter. Isn't it funny how something so mundane can make such a difference? I get dressed and go down to my shop to work, I'll go to the store rather than call my husband and ask if he can pick something up. There still aren't a whole lot of places I must go in a week, and once the show is done on Saturday, I'll be back to just going to the store, the credit union and taking the boys to school in the morning, but at least I'm dressed.
This is one reason why I've decided to do the Friday Field Trips, to help me get out of the house more often, give me a reason to get up, get dressed and do something in the world. So, since this Friday is the first field trip, I hope you'll consider joining me, if you're in the area. I'd love that. I will be at JoAnn's in Edina at 10 am. Please email me to let me know you're coming so I can expect you. totallytoots10@gmail.com
The cabin fever, however, is starting to get to me. I know I have plenty of projects to work on, but I'm missing getting out in the world. Fortunately, I've been working on a show ("I Love you, You're Perfect, Now Change!") which opened last weekend, but it's a very limited run and I only have two more performances left. I also have to wait 5 more days for those final performances.
Performing is actually my first love. When I wasn't well over the last year, I stopped performing because a) I didn't know when I'd have a spasm and b) what if I couldn't perform anymore? Besides that, I had already planned on trying my hand at a design career. When that looked as though it was really not going to happen, I became ill. Enter the dreaded mis-diagnosed nervous breakdown.
Everybody's got their something, goes the song (Nikka Costa, in case you're unfamiliar), and into my 40s I still feel like I don't know what that something is. If it's what I think it is, why in the world does it have to be something that is so difficult to break into and actually get paid for doing? I love performing and creating, but I fear selling out.
I have a friend who does art on commission. The person says, "I want something that looks like this." She makes it. Now that something can be anything from custom wedding invitations to a portrait of a baby, a Mad Hatter's Hat or a company logo. I think to myself, "I could never do that. I don't want to be beholden to someone else's ideas." But I fear my own ideas are unworthy.
This of course is just one of many ways that I hold myself back from doing what I love. Yet I still think, as I'm working on my own ideas, that no one will like what I have to offer, even though there's plenty of evidence to the contrary. This isn't just my artwork, this applies to my stage work as well. For example, I've auditioned multiple times for a certain professional company and have yet to be hired. In the back of my mind, way deep in the recesses, there's a teensy weensy voice that tries to remind me that most times it's all what the director has in mind before auditions even happen. That voice is always drowned out by the one that says, "You suck. Why do you bother?"
The thing is, I don't suck. So, why don't these people who are casting realize this? I go into auditions prepared, looking good, and... terrified. They must sense this fear. Like horses, they can smell it. I've tried for years to fix this and cover it up. It hasn't always worked, that's for sure. In fact, there was a time when I lived in New York when I developed agoraphobia and couldn't leave to house on my own. I'd get just so far down the street and I'd have to turn back. Eventually I quit going anywhere alone and would manage to convince my friends that hanging out at my place was a great idea (they seemed to buy into this, too, so I must've been doing something right).
To this day, I won't leave the house unless it's either necessary or I feel the odds are with me. Sadly, if it turns out the odds were agin me, I stay home again for long periods of time. This winter has not helped the situation. The cold weather wreaks havoc on my fibromyalgia and since Minnesota has been below zero for the majority of winter this year, it has been quite easy to give in to those old voices in my head.
I actually made a New Year's Resolution to get dressed every day. For most of last year while I was dealing with my illness, I lived in my pajamas. Heck, I'm writing this in my pjs right now (it's before noon, so I'm safe).
Nope. I just guilted myself into getting dressed.
Anyway, it must be true that you are what you wear, at least to a certain extent. I mean, I practically dressed like a character I was auditioning for and still didn't get it, and I did really well at the audition, but directors have a vision for a show. Sometimes you fit that vision, other times, you don't. It's the hardest lesson for an actor to learn.
However, when I take the time to change from pj pants to jeans, put on some socks, run a comb through my hair and wash my face, I feel a bit freer, a bit more ready to face the world if I must. Even if I'm not dressed to the hilt, at least I'm not in my pjs. I always thought it would be great to spend my days not needing to get dressed, lounging in my jammies. It's not that great. Oh, maybe once in a while, when you're feeling sick enough to stay in bed, sure. By all means, stay in your jammies. But I have to say, even though most times it's just jeans and a t-shirt, getting dressed every day has been a major mood lifter. Isn't it funny how something so mundane can make such a difference? I get dressed and go down to my shop to work, I'll go to the store rather than call my husband and ask if he can pick something up. There still aren't a whole lot of places I must go in a week, and once the show is done on Saturday, I'll be back to just going to the store, the credit union and taking the boys to school in the morning, but at least I'm dressed.
This is one reason why I've decided to do the Friday Field Trips, to help me get out of the house more often, give me a reason to get up, get dressed and do something in the world. So, since this Friday is the first field trip, I hope you'll consider joining me, if you're in the area. I'd love that. I will be at JoAnn's in Edina at 10 am. Please email me to let me know you're coming so I can expect you. totallytoots10@gmail.com
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Mission Accomplished: Part 1!
A couple of posts ago I mentioned that I was going to go through all of my UFOs and try to get them done. Well, I finished one today! Huzzah! I made a pair of pajama pants. Several years ago I worked at a local Hancock Fabrics and I bought some really cute Hallowe'en flannel with little witch kitties on it. I had it sitting with its pattern and grosgrain ribbon for the drawstring for, Oh, let's go with 4 years. No. Really. FOUR YEARS.
I realized as I was laying out the pattern that I probably needed a half yard more for full-length pants, and since I didn't want flannel shorts, I decided to make them cropped pants. Clam-digger style. I'm wearing them to bed tonight. Yes, yes, I am. I know it's January. I'm still gonna wear them.
I'm so excited to wear these, you have know idea. It's like I've finally gotten a pony for Christmas.
I also made a skirt out of a pretty woven plaid I picked up last summer. I lined it with fabric left over from a costume I made when I lived in New York City in the 90s - fuchsia satin! I don't have a pic of the skirt yet, because I still have to put in the zip, but I'm going to take that to Sewtropolis and see if someone there can give me a hand with it. Plus I used thread from a different project that happened to go with it, and I ran out. Of course I did. But I saved the spool so I can take it along for matching.
I had enough scraps of the plaid to have a little fun. I've wanted to make little stuffed animals for a while, especially orangutans (I'm a huge orang fan). So I took a sheet of card stock (left over from a calendar packaging instert) and traced out a pattern. I also have a bunch of cotton circles cut out from when I made a Dresden Plate quilt a couple of Summers ago. I used one of those for the face and used fabric pens to color the face on. That way there aren't any buttons to come off.
I realized as I was laying out the pattern that I probably needed a half yard more for full-length pants, and since I didn't want flannel shorts, I decided to make them cropped pants. Clam-digger style. I'm wearing them to bed tonight. Yes, yes, I am. I know it's January. I'm still gonna wear them.
 |
| Cute Witchy-Poo Kitties with cats-eye glasses and, though it's hard to tell here, skull tags on their collars. |
I also made a skirt out of a pretty woven plaid I picked up last summer. I lined it with fabric left over from a costume I made when I lived in New York City in the 90s - fuchsia satin! I don't have a pic of the skirt yet, because I still have to put in the zip, but I'm going to take that to Sewtropolis and see if someone there can give me a hand with it. Plus I used thread from a different project that happened to go with it, and I ran out. Of course I did. But I saved the spool so I can take it along for matching.
I had enough scraps of the plaid to have a little fun. I've wanted to make little stuffed animals for a while, especially orangutans (I'm a huge orang fan). So I took a sheet of card stock (left over from a calendar packaging instert) and traced out a pattern. I also have a bunch of cotton circles cut out from when I made a Dresden Plate quilt a couple of Summers ago. I used one of those for the face and used fabric pens to color the face on. That way there aren't any buttons to come off.
I'm not entirely happy with it, but I don't hate it, either. I know how/where I'm going to change up the pattern but I figured, as long as I had some extra supplies, it wasn't going to cost anything to try.
I have this sort of fantasy where I'm making a bunch of these (or similar) for the baby orangutans in the nursery at Orangutan Outreach. I know they give stuffed animals to the babies and I hope they would like them, especially since they're typically orphaned and alone. I think it would be wonderful if there was a baby orang who wanted to hang on to one of my stuffies. Nothing would please me more! I'm currently looking for someone who might be able to help me with this dream project, so let me know if you're interested.
So there are three, count 'em, three of my UFOs completed! I have no idea what project I'll tackle next, so stay tuned...
Assignment: Have you been going through *your* UFOs? No? I'm beating you? You aren't going to let li'l ol' me get my projects done first, are you?
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