The beat goes on...

Did you ever find a new path and have it feel so right that you start tap dancing in the kitchen?

I've been struggling with my career path for over 20 years. In my 20s, I was so convinced that I would be a Broadway star that I quit school, left my husband, sold my car and moved to New York City. I will never regret the move, but it (obviously) didn't have the outcome I expected.

I've never finished school, which has been a bugaboo for me for years. I've been to graduation ceremonies for my sister's kids and I always felt bummed out afterwards. I already struggle with my feelings of being a failure and that exacerbates it. Not that I'm not proud of my nieces and nephew. I couldn't be prouder. They're all very successful in their respective fields and are wonderful people to boot.

I thought about going back to finish my Bachelor's, but that would require retaking a bunch of classes in order to have enough local credits to graduate. I thought about changing up my degree and going after Fashion Design. I loved (and aced) the one class I took, but the time and coin required to do a full degree on a part-time basis was daunting. Also, there was no real guarantee that I'd end up as a designer. The competition is fierce and I'm twice as old as most of my classmates were.

My husband is set to retire within a few short years. Our household is going to go through a shift soon and it's going to require my picking up the financial slack. It has become increasingly clear that my dramatic and artistic pursuits aren't going to be reliable sources of income. On one hand this breaks my heart, because I enjoy entertaining and creating. I do realize that my style may not have a mainstream audience. I've made peace with that. I've also made peace with the fact that, no matter how talented I am, I may not be what the director is looking for. I'm kind of a niche girl. With a very narrow niche.

What's a girl to do? I don't want to work as a check out girl, even at Target or a craft store because I'll spend more than I make. I had that problem when I worked at Hancock's. That's part of the reason why I have such a large fabric stash. No lie. Employee discounts are a dangerous thing around me.

Well, Let me tell ya a li'l story: When I had my nervous breakdown, part of what brought it on was that I was trying to work in a creative job as costume builder. I was going to use the money I earned to start my design business, Tequila Diamonds. When that fell waaay through, blammo! I had a nervous breakdown. What I needed was a trade.

Now, the notion of massage therapy has been ruminating since high school when we gave each other backrubs in acting class. I was just more focused on the acting. The idea has come and gone over the years. Apparently I’m pretty good at giving massages as many friends have suggested that I do it for a living. It recently came to the fore when my mom gave me a salon gift certificate for the express purpose of getting a massage and the salon didn’t have a therapist on the payroll when I called for the appointment. I thought, “I could do that. I should do that.”

I found a local massage therapy school that not only trains you to work at a spa or salon, but also more clinical aspects of transformative healing. They not only teach Eastern forms, but Western as well, which is more of what I'm interested in, but I can get a broader selection of tools to use and be more prepared for the job market as a result. The best part? They only teach massage therapies. I won't have to take anything not related to being the best therapist I can be. Their application process is rigorous. They aren't just looking for the most students (and their money) like some schools I could mention but won't, they're looking for the right students. I have a couple more steps to get in the door, but so far, things are looking up.

I'm not going to do any acting during this 20 month period of studying, except maybe some short, special appearance gigs. I'm still going to work on my art projects in my free time. There are times when I simply must create. I'm going to continue blogging and field tripping.

But I have to say, as I was researching schools for this path, the site for CenterPoint stood out to me. Everything was up front and honest. When I called, I received a return call within minutes and the follow up was incredibly professional and thorough. I also discovered that there was quite a spectrum of opportunities beyond the salon. In addition, I think I'll receive a host of therapeutic benefits from doing something that really interests me and helps others.

Did I finally find that elusive career? I feel I have. I've been tap dancing in the kitchen for the last few days.

So, Flowerpots, did you find your path yet? Did you settle for your career or did you settle into it? I'll just leave that here for you to ruminate upon...
 

This weather!

I don't know about you, but this winter weather is doing me head in. I feel like a hermit! It's too cold to enjoy the snow, the driving conditions are treacherous...

So I've been going down to the shop to work a bit. If I have to be cloistered away, I may as well get something done. Though, if I'm to be frank, the weather has also slowed my creative production as well. I'm very inspired by bright colors and sunshine (luckily we've at least had sunshine - even if it means frigid temperatures).  This led me to think of this scary topic: COLOR!

I know. A lot of people are afraid of color. Silly, you say? Not really. Especially here in my area. Whole neighborhoods are built with beige houses, white carpeting (in Minnesota? Really? Not smart), brown furniture. Even if the furniture is a non-neutral color, it's a muted, muddied, grayed color to make it neutral. Yuck. I would kill for a fainting couch in purple velvet (like Willy Wonka's top coat - Gene Wilder style).

My front door is yellow. Not pale yellow, nor is it tinged with gray or brown. It is YELLOW. I searched and searched for the right, true hue. I finally found it. Of course, I had to put a few coats of primer over the deep pink I originally had. The primer was the color my neighbor liked. She was disappointed when the yellow went up. Luckily, I live in a city where I can do that and I don't have to abide by neighborhood association rules. I know of a woman who kept having her watering can stolen and finally discovered it was the "wrong color". The association president also informed her that she couldn't grow tomatoes because they aren't aesthetically pleasing. Come on, now.

I know a lot of people who only wear neutral colors. It's easier, they say, they don't have to think when they get dressed in the morning. Everything matches.

It's this sort of conformity I've never quite been able to swallow. I doubt I would've been labeled as a non-conformist in school, though as I look back with friends they do say I always did my own thing. I may not have had the purple mohawk, but my friend, Nikki did. I may not have worn bondage pants, but I did wear plaid ones.

I'm not saying you have to go nuts, but why are people afraid of color? We're surrounded by it. Why should we be content with putting on neutral plumage while a cardinal, a gold finch and a blue jay sit on our windowsill? They don't have a choice but to be naturally bright, but we do! Why should we cover ourselves in grey flannel while a cerulean sky and turquoise waters envelop our world? Why be afraid of wearing color? Why is the corporate world so afraid of color? I could never work in a corporate job. I'd wither and die. I also don't think you have to be a dramatic designer or artsy fartsy like I am to be colorful.

For example, I have a blazer I found at a thrift store. It's an Asian brocade in teal, gold and coral. When I wear it, I'm always complimented. "I LOVE what you're wearing!" The compliment is always followed by, "It's really you. But I could never wear it."

When I finally asked a friend why she felt that way, she went on about how she wore neutral colors most of the time and just didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to herself - in case she looked stupid.

I didn't know if I should be insulted or not.

I'm pretty sure I don't look stupid when I'm brightly dressed. In fact, I have an over-abundance of confidence when I do. I'm happy and outgoing. It's when I'm in something dark and/or drab that I pull into myself and feel awkward. Even if someone did think I looked stupid, that's their issue, not mine.

I also don't do it to gain attention. I can do that all on my own. I'm loud, funny, opinionated, smart, and some have even said I'm striking to look at even without all the fun clothes. That came out wrong, but never mind.

It's sort of like when I'm in a show. I don't quite feel my character until I've had my first costume fitting. Then I know how that person is. Costuming is a bit different than real life, of course, but what are your clothes if not the costumes for your life? I'm not saying you have to get all Hallowe'en-y and steampunk-y on a daily basis. That's a heck of a lot of work. But, as I've said previously, even putting on jeans instead of staying in my pjs has made a difference in my productivity. If you want to do costumes, get into a Cosplay group. But in your everyday life, reassess your wardrobe. Do your clothes make you happy? Are you purposely blending in? If so, why?

You have a color assignment, flowerpots. Yes, yes, you do. For the month of March, bring some more color into your world. Put a hyacinth on your desk. Wear purple earrings. Wearing your beige corporate uniform? Fine. But wear cobalt shoes and a print scarf. Instead of simply wearing green or orange on St. Patrick's Day, wear a rainbow. For the love of Judy, be bold. If that's too scary, get a pair of brightly striped socks and wear them under your boots so no one knows they're there but you. For one month, don't worry about wether or not you look "stupid". If someone says that, it's their problem, not yours. You have no control over what people think, that's just a fact of life. You do, however, have absolute control over how you feel about yourself and how you react to those boring, gray people. Surround yourself with Spring and you'll find that proverbial spring in your step.